This morning I woke up feeling fresh and bubbly, looking forward to the day ahead. As I got in my car to leave for work I got a call from a friend to inform me that the guy I lived with for my first year in Cape Town had suddenly passed away. It was shocking news to hear first thing in the morning as I'm sure the rest of our circle of friends could agree.
He was a humble, modest guy. Always the voice of reason and smart as hell. With a knowledge of music and literature like a boss.
We moved into a flat in town together in August last year barely knowing each other. We had different tastes in music, vastly different personalities but we got on well. A year or so later I moved out and we kept in touch, but not too closely.
So I got this call, I usually listen to music fairly loudly on the way to work, maybe record an instagram video or something on the way. But this morning I couldn't bring myself to listen to anything. Same for the rest of the day which is quite strange. Especially considering the wealth of music we shared with each other. So much I'd never heard before that I enjoyed, and visa versa. I guess that was one solid connection we had, the passion for good music no matter what it was.
I spent all day with my headphones on, not speaking much at all and reflecting on life, watching the odd fail video to distract myself. Didn't do a stitch of work as I couldn't bring myself to do any. Now I'm at home and I feel properly bummed about the situation and it upsets me even more that it takes something like the loss of a person in your life to realise just how fragile and unpredictable life can be. And I started questioning a few things...
Why are we so afraid of people? Why are we so afraid of telling the people really close to us what we think? Why when you care for someone so much is it so terrifying to tell them exactly what you think or how you feel for them? Why are we so afraid of getting hurt when we can fix that?
I'll be the first to admit that I'm not an amazing friend. The amount of times I've said to people "let's make a plan" or "we should meet up for a beer soon" is lost to me. It's been a lot. And I keep thinking it'll happen and we'll get around to it but more often than not it doesn't happen and we just end up meeting up by chance, or crossing paths on the promenade and saying a quick hello only to go back to the habit of saying we'll make a plan.
So if you're a friend of mine reading this I guess I'm sorry for all the false promises and vague plans. I hope I can make it up to you all soon. And if you're like me, let's try harder. Just know you're all in my mind regardless of us seeing each other often or not.
To Divan's friends and family - I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you all lost someone really great and unique.
To Divan - Thanks for being a newbie in town with me. We may have let dishes stack up and the house get dusty, but we had some jols, we shared some rad times so thank you for that.
In short, let's try be more brave and speak our minds and hearts. You never know what could happen overnight or in the next minute.
I have to go hang some washing now.
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